I am really trying very hard this week to have compassion for someone I have often had conflicts with.

I feel bad that I’m having such difficulty because it feels very selfish to me to not have compassion, especially in the situation they’re in. Part of the problem is that the person wants me to do something that I just don’t want to do, and I am rebelling against it – also a common part of our history. 

One reason I’m trying to have compassion for this person is because they are in a situation that is extremely painful. After the loss of her youngest child, my mother wants to gather her children close to her. That means that she wants me to stay here in the US, preferably in my hometown, and take a job there, get an apartment or buy a house, and settle in right where she can keep an eye on me.

Where she can keep me safe.

Of course she hasn’t said that in so many words, but that is what it feels like to me when I am having compassion for her – when I am feeling with her, when we are feeling together.

The problem is that I’ve been leaving my hometown since before I turned 18. I spent 12 years away for college and life afterward, then I returned for 12 years, and I’ve now been gone almost 12 years out of the country. And I have absolutely no desire to return permanently. I enjoy coming back to visit, and I enjoy leaving again.

I am trying to have compassion for her. But it is hard.

Feeling compassion makes you vulnerable. It makes you forgiving. It makes you realize that the person you have compassion for has the same emotions you do.

Compassion makes you want to give in.

But it’s also important to have compassion for yourself. If you know that acquiescing to someone else’s wants will make you miserable, then you’re not being compassionate toward yourself.

Staying true to myself might appear like I have no compassion for my mother. But having compassion for myself makes me able to stay true to myself.

Therefore I will make the difficult choice of saying no – but a compassionate no.

I hope that these affirmations help me remember to have compassion for others while having compassion for myself. And hopefully, they will help remind all of us to have compassion for one another and for ourselves.