In my experience, there’s a huge difference between niceness and kindness. Niceness is performative – we are expected to be nice to one another, so we do it to seem like good people. We expect others to appreciate our niceness, and reciprocate it. Or at least tell us how nice we are. Niceness costs nothing except, at most, our time. It does not make us uncomfortable. In fact, we take comfort in the fact that we are being ever so nice.

Kindness is not nice. It can be hard. It can make us uncomfortable. It can make our social group look at us like we’ve done something weird, or at least outside of the norm. Often, our only reward is that we know it’s the right thing to do. In fact, we may be accused of being performative if someone else sees us perform an act of kindness.

Niceness is showing the right social expression of politeness at the right social time. Kindness is caring for others because it needs to be done, even when it’s inconvenient. 

Niceness wears a genial smile because it fears what others will think.

Kindness has a resting bitch face while slipping a person who is hungry a free sandwich under the table to avoid embarrassing them.

Fuck being nice. Let’s strive for kindness. 

This world needs it a lot more.