I was on Facebook the other day (I spend way too much time on social media), and there was a post asking how do you make friends as an adult. There was so much negativity in the comments! So many people talking about “I don’t talk with people because everybody is so fake nowadays,” or “I’m just not gonna tolerate the BS anymore, that’s why I don’t make new friends” or “I just avoid everyone, they’re just out to get you anyway”! I was really taken aback. Maybe I’m weird (there’s no doubt about it, I’m definitely weird) but I have some really, really good friends, a few I’ve known most of my life, but a significant number I met as an adult. I’ve been able to find people to hang out with in every city and country I’ve lived in, and I’m not particularly outgoing. 

I think we can all make connections with others as adults.  However, I think we are so afraid of being even slightly vulnerable, that we cut ourselves off from potential friendships, or even friendly conversations. So many of us have been deeply hurt by others, and we are terrified of it happening again. We see everyone as a potential enemy, a potential new source of pain, a new source of abandonment. 

We forget that they probably see us in the same way. Every fear that we have of others, fear of abandonment, fear of pain, fear of harm, others fear that from us. Unfortunately, we have as much potential to hurt others as they have to hurt us.

But…

We can be safe for others, and show that we are safe. We can protect ourselves, and still reach out. We can get to know others in stages. We can say hello. We can smile. We can accept a phone number. We can give out our phone number. We can choose not to follow up. We can choose to remain a friendly acquaintance. We can choose to make a new best friend.

We can choose to protect ourselves, protect others,, and choose to connect.

We need connections to maintain our humanity, to maintain our selves. A little thoughtful and considered vulnerability can go a long way to helping us connect with our fellow humans, and maybe make some new friends.

These affirmations are to help us to remember to connect.